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Dear God, From the Dog
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TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God:
Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?
Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God:
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?
Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God:
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around?
We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God:
If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God:
We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths.
What do humans understand?
Dear God:
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God:
Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?
_________________________________
Dear God:
Let me give you a list
of just some of the things
I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food
before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.,
just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with
Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch
is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up
when I'm under the coffee table .
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur
before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside
and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the
living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when
I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
Dear God:
When I get to Heaven
may I have my testicles back?
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Dogs In Heaven
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Top 10 Reasons to Be an Episcopalian
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By Robin Williams
10. No snake handling.
9. You can believe in dinosaurs.
8. Male and female God created them; male and female we ordain them.
7. You don't have to check your brains at the door.
6. Pew aerobics.
5. Church year is color-coded.
4. Free wine on Sunday.
3. All of the pageantry -- none of the guilt.
2. You don't have to know how to swim to get baptized.
And the Number One Reason to be an Episcopalian:
1. No matter what you believe, there's bound to be at least one other Episcopalian who agrees with you.
Robin Williams is an Episcopalian. He told this top ten on an HBO special
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